Firsts

Right now I want you to stop for just a moment and think about the first.

 I can just imagine you looking at me in confusion and asking, “The first what?”

I don’t know. I’d like you to choose. The first day you went to school. The first time you moved away from your parents. The first occasion where you slid behind the wheel of a car and tentatively put it in drive. The first moments on ice with skates loaned to you by the rink. This particularly applies if you live in the South.

What do you remember about that first? Did you know what you were doing? Did you feel a little nervous? Some of us probably remember feeling terrified. Today you would probably laugh and say that it was OK. It’s normal to feel a little scared the first time you do something new.

I’d assume that you, like me, probably didn’t do things perfectly on that first. Maybe you slipped and fell. Maybe you learned a hard lesson about which pedal was the brake. Maybe you found out how difficult communication really is.

Whatever it was, you expected to make some mistakes because you knew it was your first.

But there are a whole lot of firsts out there that we don’t give ourselves that kind of grace for. We find it hard to accept that our Savior doesn’t hold us to some impossible level of perfection for a lot of the firsts we face, and we somehow believe we should expect that same perfection of ourselves.

Being human, for example. That’s a first. I’ve never done this before. Every year, every stage of life is something new.

Being a Christian. There are still firsts for me in this walk of life. New things to learn, new roots to my behaviors I haven’t dug up yet.

Being a Teacher. Sure, I’ve taught for a good number of years, but every year is different. Sometimes every day is different. I’ve never lived this day before.

Instead of looking with awe at the treasure of another first and the opportunity to learn something new, I turn away from the amazement of what life holds and look with dismay at all the mistakes I make. I draw back, afraid to take the next step, terrified I’ll somehow make a mess of things. Convinced I am the only novice at life and others have everything under control.

Give yourself a little room for being a beginner. It’s OK if you stumble through being a mom. This is the first time you’ve ever done this. Lots of other moms have made it successfully through their firsts. You will, too.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself it’s all right if youth life looks complicated. You’ve never lived this particular year in the youth before. The group is constantly changing. So will you. 

It's all right if you feel out of depth in the new mission field or at the new school or in your new occupation. 

Let go of your ideas on how you want to be the perfect new wife, the exemplary nurse, the idealistic career woman. You’ve never lived your life before. You will make mistakes and messes. You might be afraid or even feel like crying. Remind yourself that you are a beginner. You are still learning. Don't carry frustration around with you. Don't let comparison steal the wonder of the new thing you are doing.

Remembering that you are a beginner in life (and always will be!) leads you towards a place of humility. As soon as we forget that we are living a first, we start becoming confident in our own abilities and forget the One who gives us the ability in the first place.

So give yourself grace. Give yourself room. Give yourself the liberty to be a human. For the first time. Ever.