I Will Thank You

 I will thank You, Lord.
 
Even when You take me out of my comfort zone and send me to new places where I meet new people and am forced to try my awkward best to build friendships, sometimes over a day or two, sometimes over years, I will thank You. I will thank You that I’ve been given the privilege to meet amazing people that shift my perspectives on life.
 
Even though I don’t understand how finances work as well as I wish, and there’s always things I could be saving for and more to be spending on, I will thank you. Because You’ve always provided a way for me to be supported and You’ve never once left me to go hungry or to sleep on the street or in my car.
 
Even though being vulnerable is a terrifying thing, I will thank You, Lord. I will thank You that You love me so much You are teaching me to hold happiness in one hand and pain in the other and understand that is what a balanced life looks like and that You will make sure I am strong enough to keep the weights in equal measure.
 
Even though I sometimes have no idea where life is taking me, and I get overwhelmed with decisions, I will thank You. Because You have never left me alone in the dark, and there are incredible people You’ve put in my life that step in when I start to falter.
 
I will thank You, Lord.
 
I don’t know what the next five years hold in store.
I don’t even know tomorrow, to be honest.
I don’t know if my car will still run
Or if I’ll have groceries
Or break a leg
Or need a surgery
Or lose a loved one
Or if some hacker
Will empty my already feeble account,
I will thank You.
 
Because You have always been there for me. You alone are the constant in my life, the Guiding Light when there is absolutely nothing that makes sense in the darkness. Even though I’m terrible at reading maps, that becomes irrelevant when I’m traveling with You.
 
When I look up at night into the heavens spangled with stars moving in perfect patterns and stretching into distances no human has ever traveled, I will thank You because I see the order You created and the way Your plans are not made clear to the naked eye.
 
And when I see a rainbow stretching from horizon to horizon, each color a reminder of promises to be reflected on, I will thank You. Because You will not allow my soul to be destroyed as long as my trust is in You.
 
It’s not about what You’ve given, really.
It’s not about my answered prayers
Or the ones that feel like they’ve not been heard.
It’s not about ignoring realities that are hard
Or having the perfect attitude,
It’s about choosing.
And this is just to say,
That although I don’t begin to understand
And I’m way too dramatic
And fearful
And a lot of times I completely forget to trust,
I’ve made a choice.
 
I will thank You, Lord.